Loosing Your Memory
by bloomforever
Summary: Her knees gave way as she sank to the ground, the sound of the gavel as it slammed on the desk ringing in her ears. It seemed unbelievably loud and condemning.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own the world of Percy Jackson and The Olympians/The Heroes of Olympus. Any and all canon characters are the property of Rick Riordan, and most of the other characters are the property of other Rpers. The only characters I take credit for are Erin, Kira, Summer, Leia, Erin's mother and Darrien.

_Call all your friends_

_Tell them I'm never coming back_

Her knees gave way as she sank to the ground, the sound of the gavel as it slammed on the desk ringing in her ears. It seemed unbelievably loud and condemning. She wanted to beg, to plead for something else. Anything but that.

The sentence had been given. She had not done enough good to earn Elysium, but not enough evil to warrant the Fields of Punishment. The only other option was an eternity in the Fields of Asphodel.

_'Cause this is the end,_

_Pretend that you want it, don't __react_

The judges' words reverberated in her head as the area around her went black. They had explained that she would forget; forget everything and everyone from her life.

She couldn't handle that. She could handle anything else. Eternity in a wheat field? Fine. Never being able to help her loved ones? Horrifying, but something she could deal with –after all, they might be reunited one day, or at the very least she would know that they had reached Elysium-, but not being able to remember? No. that was not something she could handle.

She clenched her eyes shut, tears sliding out of them. She didn't want to see the pity in the judges eyes, didn't want to watch everything go black.

_The damage is done_

_The police are coming too slow now_

When she opened her eyes she was surrounded in blackness. The courtroom was gone. It was like being in a void. Above, bellow, all around her was darkness. Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly, she could not find it in herself to be afraid of the dark like she would have been before.

All she could feel was agony.

She couldn't bear to forget. The thought was too painful. To never again be able to conjure up the feel of her mother's work worn hands wrapping around her own as a child, imagine the sparkle in Kori's eyes when she laughed, bask in the peace of Darrien playing with her as a child, bring forward the sound of Alex's laughter, or seek comfort in the memory of Jacob's smile that could turn her insides into a pile of mush.

Gods, no! Please, anything but that! She wanted to remember!

_I would have died,_

_I would have loved you all my life_

The tears were running freely now. She wanted to scream and rage. It wasn't fair! She had given her life fighting the Gods' enemies! The very least Hades could do was let her remember!

She knew how pathetic she must look, sitting there on her knees in her dirty camp shirt and jeans, tears running down her cheeks, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

It wasn't fair! It just wasn't fair!

She didn't care how childish she was being, crying about fairness. They couldn't take her memories away!

_You're losing your memory now_

_You're losing your memory now_

Then, before her red rimmed eyes images began to form. It was almost like when she was dying, before she had woken up and said goodbye to her friends. The difference was that there was no waking up from this. Even when she was in the Fields, she would still be in the darkness. Without her memories there would be no light in the rest of her existence. She would be alone again. Just like when Darrien had left. Just like when she had gone to the foster home before her mom straightened herself out. Like when her friends had all moved schools. Like when she went there and all of them, even Leia, ignored her. Like when she had moved to Manhattan.

She didn't want to be alone.

The image solidified as she watched, and she found herself looking at tiny, three year old her being tossed in the air by a laughing, five year old Darrien as she giggled.

With horror, she watched as the image faded, and with it so did her memory of the event. She knew that something wonderful had just been stolen from her, but she didn't know what, and that scared her.

A new image formed, just as precious as the last. Her mother tucking her into bed. There were whispered "I love you"s and a kiss on the forehead as her mom pulled the blankets up around her. As her younger self closed her eyes and her mother turned off the light that image faded like the last. Gone from sight, and gone from her memory.

_You're losing your memory now_

_You're losing your memory now_

By now the tears had ceased, for she had no more tears left in her to cry. Her shoulders still shook with sobs, but no noise left her throat, no tears left her eyes. She had never been more afraid than she was right now. These were her memories, darn it! Hers! They had no right to take them away! They couldn't! She couldn't handle that. The idea of being alone in this place with no memories terrified her.

Yet another image took place before her. This time it was her and Leia on the school playground playing on the monkey bars. The two little girls swung from bar to bar, laughing and challenging each other to go faster, to swing father. Just like before, it faded away from her.

Then she was riding a horse for the first time on her own, her mother in front leading the horse.

Gone.

She was playing on the beach at the lake with Darrien, building a sand castle with a suspicious amount of trident looking shapes on it.

Gone.

Her head slipped below the water's surface as cold, scaly hands grabbed her feet and pulled her down. Water filled her lungs before a beautiful woman appeared. The scaly hands were gone and she shot up, breeching the surface as the woman guided her.

Gone.

She watched as Darrien's dark head disappeared behind the closing door, wondering why he was saying goodbye. Sleep claimed her again before she could wake up enough to go ask. She'd ask in the morning.

Gone.

Her mother sat crying on her bed, holding a picture of Darrien, oblivious to the fact that five year old her was peaking around the doorway with tearful eyes. Quietly she asked when dinner was. There was no reply.

Gone.

She was helped into a van by a smartly dressed lady who put her seatbelt on for her and patted her head, telling her not to worry. She the van door slammed she leaned towards the window watching her mother with tearful eyes. The van pulled away from the house and she began to scream for her mother. Her mother just waved and promised that they would be together again soon.

Gone.

Arguing and the screams of a baby could be heard as she curled into a tighter ball in her scratchy blankets. She buried her face in her dirty pillow, crying harder. She hated this place! She wanted to go home!

Gone.

The strange man picked her up, ignoring her struggles and began to carry her back to her foster home, calmly informing her that she had to go back and stay there. She didn't care that he smelt like horses and he knew her name, because he was taking her back and she didn't want to go back! She wanted to go **home**!

Gone.

The van door slid open and she leapt from her seat, running into her mother's arms. She was lifted up and spun in the air before her mother showered her with kisses, telling her that she loved her and that they'd never be separated again.

Gone.

Her first day of martial arts was like a dream. So many people all wearing that same white clothes as her, except for the different colored belts. She stared around with wide eyes as her mother gave her a gentle push forward.

Gone.

She and Leia sat in front of the TV in their PJs eating popcorn and watching Star Wars: A New hope for what had to be the sixth time in a row that night. They were ten years old.

Gone.

Her hair whipped around her as she raced towards the jump, her hands clenched on the reins. One powerful leap and they were soaring over it. As the horse galloped towards the next one, her surroundings a blur, she was free.

Gone.

The smile on her face was uncontrollable as she was handed her black belt. She could not believe the day had finally come. Her mother's face glowed with pride as she took a picture.

Gone.

She struggled to leave that carton of soda bottles up onto the pile, trying to ignore the gossiping ladies at the end of the isle. They clucked their tongues in disapproval and discussed her mother's parenting skills, -"letting a twelve year old girl get a job to help pay bills? How sad."- and she set her jaw, a red haze of anger blurring her vision. When the water cooler next to them exploded –it had been giving the store trouble for a while, that must be the reason. Why else would it explode?-, drenching them, she didn't bother to hide her smile.

Gone.

The room was full of people she didn't know. All her old class was gone. They all stared at her like she was a freak. She lay her head down on her binder, and, not for the first time, desperately whished that Leia was there.

Gone.

_Where have you gone?_

_The beach is so cold in winter here_

She sat in the tops of the wooden castle in the playground, her sketchbook resting on her knees. Her hands shook as she tried to draw, brushing at her tear stained cheeks with her other hand. Slowly, a picture of a young boy with black hair began to form as she drowned out her class mates cruel words.

Gone.

Her group all shifted nervously, starring at the curtain. In just a few minutes they would be on stage, It was just another dance competition, but that didn't stop the nerves, the bell dinged and they moved into the stage. She forced back her nerves as she took her pose, focusing on the dance as the music played. Her eyes never saw the same strange man as when she was five –the one who smelt of horses and who knew her name- standing at the back of the audience. Gone.

_And where have I gone?_

_I wake in Montauk with you near_

As she walked into the school her stomach felt like it was lead. Her heart was in her throat. She was certain she was going to be sick. Then she caught sight of Leia, who waved excitedly at her. She hurried over, received a hug, and then Leia was eagerly greeting another girl. Her heart leapt back in to her throat as her best friend ignored her for the next three hours. Only at lunch did Leia pause in her conversations with her other friends to ask her how she liked the new school. She forced a smile and lied through her teeth.

Gone.

She cringed as she walked back towards the school, desperately hoping the girls would walk right past her. Instead, they stopped next to a pond and proceeded to verbally run her through; insulting her appearance, laughing at her ADHD and Dyslexia, mocking her mother, taunting her about her financial position, rubbing in her lack of a father. She wished they would just **shut up**.Then the kicker, "No wonder your brother left." The red haze was back, this time accompanied by the roar of a wave, the booming of a stampede of horses. When her vision cleared the pond water as beating against its sides, and the girls were all soaked to the bone. She didn't wait around to find out what happened, taking off towards the safety of the school.

Gone.

The changing room was silent except for the sound of her slamming back into the wall. Her head cracked against the concrete and she sucked in a breathe. The much larger girl advanced and her temper flared. She caught the girl's swinging fist, surprising her, and then twisted her arm behind her back. The girl struggled for a moment before she shoved her away with all her might. Before the girl could get her bearings back she dropped to the ground, swinging her legs to know the girl's out from under her. She placed one knee on the girl's chest and held her arm to her throat. Her voice was hard as she snarled out exactly what would happen if someone attacked her again. She ignored Leia's shocked face as she walked out of the room. She was done being treated like dirt.

Gone.

_Remember the day_

_'Cause this is what dreams should always be_She sat down on her new bed and opened her suit case. The room was small but comfortable. It wasn't long before her unpacking was interrupted by the arrival of an excited little girl. Summer practically flew into her lap, making her laugh.

Gone.

The familiar nerves were back as she made her way through the crowded halls of the Manhattan school. There were so many people, it was overwhelming for her. She found her locker and deposited her things before grabbing her books and map of the school. The items clutched in her arms, she navigated her way to her home room. She had only just sat down at a desk when a friendly looking girl with hair dyed bubble gum pink ran over and asked what her name was. As they talked she mused that it was a type of hairdo that would attract gossip in her home town, but she kind of liked it. The girl grabbed her hand and led her off towards a group of people who all waved at her. She felt herself smiling.

Gone.

She tied her hair back into a ponytail as she walked to the front of the room. There was a large group of kids all dressed ion the same white outfits as her standing in rows on the mats. They bowed as she faced them, and the first martial arts lesson she had ever taught began.

Gone.

The words of the lullaby slid off her lips like they were part of her, she had sung them so often. Summer's eyes drifted closed slowly as the little girl yawned. Sleep claimed the girl and she kissed her forehead. She stood up and shut off the light, slipping out of the room. Kira was asleep on the couch, still wearing her waitress uniform. Wordlessly she draped a blanket over her cousin, shut off those lights as well, and went to the kitchen to work on her homework.

Gone.

_I just want to stay,_

_I just want to keep this dream in me_

The whistle blew and she took off running. It wasn't long before she pulled ahead of the others. She didn't notice the wind beating against her, or her hair flying in her face. It wasn't as good as galloping on her horse, but it was all she had. Doing this, she was almost free. It would have to do.

Gone.

She sat beneath an oak tree in the school yard, her sketch book on her lap. Her friends were a little ways away, playing basketball. As she tilted her head to get the figures swaying hair the way she wanted it, she frowned. Looking up, she searched the street across from her, certain she had felt someone watching her. There was no on there.

Gone.

The door jingled as she opened it, stepping into the art store. As she headed for the charcoal pencils she failed to notice the curly haired boy follow her in, or the strange figure in a trench coat that was staring at her from the corner.

Gone.

Her heart thudded in her chest as she ran, the curly, clack haired boy dragging her along by her hand. Her free hand held the strange bronze dagger he had given her. Behind her the strange creature gave another savage cry. She pushed herself to run harder.

Gone.

She stared in awe at the boy –Leo, he had said his name was- as his hand was engulfed in flame. The blonde that had arrived –Annabeth, she had said- took her arm and gently lead her away as she conceded to believing them. They reached a chariot that was hitched to winged horses, and she got in, unable to take her eyes off the creatures. They were beautiful.

Gone.

_You're losing your memory now_

_You're losing your memory now_

She stared at the glowing trident in awe as people bowed and the pegasi whined happily in their stalls. Beside her Annabeth smiled slightly as she announced heritage for all to hear. Daughter of Poseidon, God of the Sea, Father of Horses, The Earthshaker. Her new found little brother Chris grinned at her from ear to ear. She found herself grinning back.

Gone.

The belt didn't look like much but as she held it in her hands she knew it was special. Her father had sent it to her for a reason. As she squeezed the trident buckle and watch it morph to hold dual swords, dual knives, a container of ambrosia and a container of nectar, she knew why. Protective much? Still, she turned her head to the ceiling ad sent her father her thanks, positively beaming.

Gone.

She walked from the room, feeling the eyes of the other counsellors on her back. Her pace picked up and soon she was out of the big house and sprinting back to her cabin. The plan was forming in her mind as she burst through the door and collapsed on her bed. She didn't care what Jason said, she was not leaving her family to wonder and grieve a second time. To dangerous to leave camp or not, she was going back to them, if only to talk to them. She would not be another Darrien. Jason would just have to deal with it.

Gone.

The road stretched out before them as Annabeth drove, bringing them nearer and nearer to Manhattan and her family. She smiled at the older girl, grateful for her help. Her fingers clutched the letters tightly. She knew that tonight may be the last time she saw anyone in her family for a while. Jason would be **furious **that she snuck out of camp.

Gone.

The day wore on as she worked with Alex Courtenay, Son of Zeus, and Ryan Osborne, Son of Ares, in the arena. Alex helped her learn to use dual swords while still allowing her to adapt her own unique style with her reverse grip. Ryan instructed her on the proper way to use her daggers as she slowly found herself getting the hang of things.

Gone.

The crowd cheered as she stepped forward to prepare for her match. Why she joined this tournament, she didn't know. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Her opponent was going to destroy her though. Annabeth was older, more experienced, and just plain better. Maybe she would win in had to hand, but this was armed combat. The daughter of Athena mopped the floor with her.

Gone.

She and her opponent circled. This was her last match. If she lost to him she would be eliminated from the tournament. She didn't know much about this boy, Lucius Darrow, and dared to hope that she could win this fight.

Gone.

Her legs and arms smashed into the target as she lashed out at it. It never ceased to amaze her how beating on intimate objects could soothe her temper. Her pride was smarting form her loss against Darrow and consequent elimination from the tournament. So much for making her father proud. She spun out with a round house kick and some one behind her cleared their throat. Turning around, she saw Jason. The Son of Jupiter arched an eyebrow in a silent offer to spar against him rather than a wooden target. She nodded and they began.

Jason was by far the most skilled opponent she had ever faced, aside from her instructors. Eventually she found herself on the ground with Jason smiling in amusement. Smirking slightly, she swung her leg, knocking his feet out from under him. She scrambled up and placed a knee on his chest, lightly placing an arm on his throat. Laughing, he congratulated her and promised not to go easy on her next time. She helped him up and the fight began again. He kept his promise.

Gone.

Her hair whipped around her as she and Alex fought in the clearing over looking the long island sound that had become their place to train. Their fight was like a dance, they moved with such grace and skill. She knew that next tournament they would be ready.

Gone.

She smiled at Leo as he awkwardly forced out his words. Putting up a hand to stop his rambling, she kissed his cheek and told him that yes, she would go to the Prom with him.

Gone.

_You're losing your memory now_

_You're losing your memory…_

She secured the buns in her hair and checked her Princess Leia costume once more before slipping out of the cabin. Down at the beach she could see the prom beginning as people showed up, all of them in costume. Some where just beginning to dance, and she smiled, excited for a fun night. She had just spotted Leo and was heading towards him when the pegasi flew over head, carrying the Hermes Cabin. The tar and feathers fell and she yelped. Her hood was the only thing saving her form looking like a glorified chicken.

Gone.

Through the crowd of screaming feathered people she caught sight of Leo and another boy. The other had short hair that was blondish brown. He wrote something on Leo's forehead and wrenched away his belt. Subconsciously she flashed back to all the time in her life she had been picked on. All the time **she** had had things stolen from her, or words written on her. She started pushing her way towards them, determined to help. Before she got there the boy climbed on his Pegasus and escaped into the sky. Cursing under her breathe, she reached Leo. When she next caught sight of the boy he was using a whip to throw a black haired girl in a Wonder Woman costume into the Long Island Sound. Her temper snapped as she thought of the danger he put the girl in and she started towards the stables to go have a chat with the boy, provided one of the pegasi where willing to help. She guessed they would be.

Gone.

Her plan to have a chat with him had quickly evolved into a battle. As she struggled in the chains -where he had gotten chains she didn't know- he teleported them higher into the sky. The air around them crackled with electricity and she cringed, guessing what was about to happen. No child of the sea god should be this high in Zeus's domain. He let go of her, smirking and laughing, and she fell, still struggling in the chains. Then, the lightning struck.

She screamed as she fell, feeling the energy leave her and her mind fog in pain. It was only when she hit the water did her mind clear enough for her to realise where she was. Instantly her fear of water kicked in. **Scally hand pulling her down. No, no. Please! Help, someone help!** Then a man's voice filled her head, soothing her fear and promising her safety. The water seemed to heal her, returning her strength as well as her anger. If anything she was angrier. She did not appreciate people trying to kill her.

The water bent to her will, forming a pillar that she rose out of the water on. It began to speed towards the boy who was back on his Pegasus. When she reached him she reacted on instinct, round housing him in the head. He fell, and she felt slightly guilty when his foot caught in the stirrup and he crashed into the beach. He was supposed to land in the water! Still, it was very satisfying to see him pay for what he did.

Gone.

She found herself face to face with Lucius Darrow, the boy who had defeated her in the tournament. Clearly he was a friend of the boy she had just knocked out, seeing as he challenged her to a fight and armed himself with the other boy's sword. This time the fight was going her way. She had even managed to wrench the sword from Darrow's had and hurl it into the Sound. Fuelled by her anger over the events of the night **- Cruel words being spat her way, hands wrenching her things from her. She wouldn't let Leo or anyone else go through it, she wouldn't! - **as well as her determination not to loose to him again, she found herself winning.

It was only when she paused to look around that she noticed the girl in the Wonder Woman costume had showed up to help, as well as another boy, Gary Hound, Son of Apollo.

Gone.

This turned bad quickly as Darrow just…changed. His eyes turned red, his voice turned harsher, and his every move became savage. Her weapons fell from her hands, suddenly to heavy to hold and she had the uncanny feeling that Darrow was the cause. He grabbed her head in one hand and lifted her off the ground, his fingers digging into her flesh. She kicked and hit him as hard as she could, to no avail. Her struggles did nothing to free her.

The pain was unbearable, and for the second time that night her vision blurred and her mind fogged in agony. Suddenly she was dropped to the ground where she lay, trying to regain her senses. It was only when she finally did that she saw that he had left her to attack the other girl and Gary. Darrow - was it really him? Big enough jerk to wreck pro or not, this was extreme! And those eyes… - finished with them and returned to her, grabbing her throat and choking her before she could gather herself enough to even think of escaping or fighting back.

He snarled out a threat "If you as so much as even look at any of the children of Hermes, I will end you." And dropped her, disappearing into the woods.

Gone.

They were in the infirmary, all of them. Her conversation with another girl, one with black hair and sea green eyes, ground to a halt when Darrow woke up. It was awkward to say the least as she told him what happened. Apparently he had no memory of his change or what had happened during that time. She found herself worrying for him as he ran from the infirmary, clearly horrified by what had happened. She yelled after him that she wasn't angry, didn't blame him, but she didn't know if he had heard her.

Gone.

Despite the pain in her face and the smell of the infirmary - She had never liked the smell of hospitals or anything like them - she grinned from ear to ear. She had just found out that the girl, Leah, was her sister. The two girls talked for the duration of their stay in the infirmary.

Gone.

She was lying in bed with her head bandaged, getting some rest on the orders of the Apollo kid who had patched her up. Her hair was charred and blackened from the lightning strike, and had yet to be cut. Bruises covered her face and throat in the shape of Darrow's hands. She had learned later that he was a Son of Mars, the Roman form of Ares. Just like Jason was a Roman.

Her thoughts ceased as there was a harsh banging on the door, and the voice of the boy from prom - The one that stole Leo's belt - rang out. She had also learned that he was Jacob Epperson, Son of Hermes, but everyone called him Dutch. Apparently he had sided with the Titans last war, but was on their side now. He yelled for her to give him his sword back.

Groaning slightly, she got up and walked to the door. When she opened it she was surprised and slightly annoyed as he knocked on her face, making it hurt even more. Dutch apologised, and after a short discussion they headed out to retrieve his sword from the Sound. As they walked they talked and she realised that he was actually a lot of fun to be around, when he wasn't getting her struck by lightning. He was funny, joking about their matching bandaged heads.

It wasn't long before they reached the Sound and she going in after the sword.

Gone.

Her hands closed around the sword hilt and the Naiads that had come to help her began to guide her upwards. Their presence allowed her to reign in her fear. It filled her with joy to realise that she was actually **swimming **for the first time since she was four. She was still surprised - and happy - that she could breathe underwater. Moments later she broke the surface, whipping her hair out of her face.

As she accepted Dutch's hand to help her out of the Sound, she noticed for the first time that his eyes were actually a really gorgeous blue colour.

Gone.

She listened to Lucius' - she wanted to get along with him and figured that calling him by his first name was probably a good first step. - bitter words in horror. It was terrible. Absolutely terrible. She had come down to the infirmary to find a pair of scissors to deal with her hair and instead found a devastated Lucius. All things considered, she thought he had every right to be devastated.

As Gary and the other girl from prom - Kori Maka, Daughter of Ares, she now knew - arrived minutes later he had rather harshly informed them all that he had been diagnosed with terminal schizophrenia - most likely the cause of the red eyes and huge change during prom -, due to his father's different aspects. To top it all off the boy seemed convinced that they would all be **happy** about this, of all things.

Refusing to let him go on with that delusion - it was absurd, honestly! - she grabbed him by the shoulder when he tried to leave, forcing him to stop. She heatedly informed him of how wring he was, and was unprepared for him to whip around and grab her shoulders in a bruising grip, his eyes turning red momentarily. He raged for a moment about how he didn't want to die, before he slowly dissolved into tears, his eyes shifting back to their normal brown colour.

Lucius fell in to her arms, sobbing into her shoulder and clinging to her. Awkwardly - because, wow, he was a lot bigger than her! - she held him as he sobbed. Yes, it was definitely time to refer to him by his first name.

Gone.

Hands shook her gently, and she shot awake. She was in the woods, and had been having a nightmare about Darrien. A boy she recognised as Nico di Angelo, Son of Hades, was hovering over her. As a girl who introduced herself as Chloe Everdeen, Daughter of Athena, stepped forward from the bushes Nico gently pulled the story out from her. He and Chloe consoled her, and she was reminded that she had once heard that Nico has lost his older sister during the Titan War. He was probably one of the only people out there who could truly understand her.

To her surprise, Kori stepped out from behind a tree, looking slightly embarrassed that had been eavesdropping. Despite that, the black haired girl sat down beside them and offered her condolences. As Nico reached forward and hugged her, she felt for certain that she was safe. These people were here for her, they understood her. They were family. She felt at home.

Gone.

She extended her hand to Alex as he crowd roared in approval. He took he hand and she pulled him up as he grinned at her in approval. She had beaten him, pushing her farther in the new tournament, the Readiness Exam, that Jason had created so that campers could prove that they could handle going out of Camp in these dangerous times. Her victory ensured her a spot in the fifth round, but also eliminated her mentor.

Despite that he didn't seem bitter. She grinned back at him, before hugging him as her excitement boiled over. This was really happening! She was making her father proud!

Gone.

Her joints ached, and her entire body was covered in grime and sweat. Ryan stood over her as he crowd yelled it's approval. He had defeated her, no surprise, but she was satisfied with her performance. She had given it her all, doing her very best this hole tournament. Besides, fifth place out of twenty four wasn't bad. Not bad at all.

Gone.

She sat in the stands, watching Kori and Ryan square off. Who ever lost this match would be eliminated. She cheered with everyone else as the match began. "You can do it, Kori!" she screamed, watching the girl who was rapidly becoming her best friend locked in battle with Ryan.

Gone.

Her hands shook slightly as she held the scissors. Cutting slowly, she couldn't really understand why she was so upset about this. Her hair was a blackened mess. It had to go. It should have gone along time ago, it had been weeks since prom! So what if she didn't cut if well? Since when did she care what people thought her hair, or any other part of her appearance? Yes, her hair was the one physical feature of hers that she liked, but still!

To her surprise, she found herself wondering what Dutch would think of her with short hair.

Wait! Why did she care what **he** thought, in particular? He was just a guys, just a friend. Nothing more. Never anything more. This was ridiculous!

Feeling angry, and not quite sure why, she prepared to actually finish cutting her hair when two hands softly grabbed hers. Surprised, she looked up into the mirror of the bathroom to see Piper standing behind her. The older girl gave her a small smile and gently pried the scissors out of her hands. Silently she began to cut, chunks of blackened hair falling away. Neither spoke, her gratitude and Piper's understanding going unsaid but still communicated.

The bathroom was silent except for the sound of the scissors as she watched her hair fall. Morosely, she noted that with every clip the farm girl from Saskatchewan fell away, replaced by the Daughter of Poseidon.

Why did that hurt so much?

Gone.

Her feet pounded the pavement As she ran, pulling the blond boy along behind her. Nova Cross was definitely a demigod, no doubt about it, and she had to get him to camp. Fast. The dracanae would reform soon. Nova was bleeding from the side of his face, and she could tell that the gash would scar, if he didn't die from the blood loss first. She really needed to get him to Camp!

Gone.

The ship was massive. It stood tall and proud where it as docked in the sound. Campers swarmed the deck and ramp as they boarded, all preparing for the journey to Camp Jupiter.

Kori walked beside herm both of them carrying their bags over their shoulders. Their armour had already been placed on the ship the previous night, with everyone else's. That left them with nothing to do but find themselves a room and prepare for the trip.

Both she and Kori were riddled with worry, though not over the impending arrival at the Roman Camp, though they probably should have been. Instead, they worried for Nico, who had gone missing recently. Neither girl had seen nor heard from him in weeks. The knowledge that he could look after himself did noting to soothe their fears not even Iris Messages could reach him, which surly meant that something was wrong.

Gone.

Her dreams were plagued with horrors. She tossed and turned in her bed as the dream showed a young girl being killed in battle, and then another girl leading an army of monsters against someone she had once known. Just as she saw that the girl was using **her **swords she jerked awake. Panting, she lay in her bed.

Gone.

Feeling her knees shake, she lowered herself back down into her seat in the Senate building. She couldn't believe she had just got into a heated argument with this Roman augur dude, Octavian. The words had just let her before she could stop them. He had insulted Gary, called him a coward, and outright stated that the Greeks couldn't be trusted. Something in her had snapped. Atleast she seemed to have made a few points for her case. Now all she had to do was keep down her lunch, and keep her mouth **shut**.

Her efforts to keep her lunch down were nearly ruined when a dark skinned Roman girl with curly hair spoke, revealing that she as Nico's sister, and that he had been captured by Gaea. She grabbed Kori's hand in her own, needing to feel her friend's presence.

Gone.

She smiled at Alex as he spoke. As usual, he knew what to say to make her feel better. He took her mind off of Nico and the disastrous Senate meeting with his teasing. She laughed as he ruffled her hair, swatting at his hand. "Nice 'do" he teased.

Gone.

Her hand shot out, squeezing Kori's tightly as she stared up at the Romans at the front of the room. They had been invited to eat with the Romans before the War Games where they would 'prove their worth' and were witnessing what Jason had called a 'Muster' first. New Roman campers were being placed in their Cohorts.

Reyna, the Roman Praetor, had just announced a Son of Neptune named Darrien. One with black hair, brown eyes, and looking to be around seventeen. The exact age and appearance that her Darrien, her brother, would be. He even had the same godly parent as her, albeit the Roman form.

This was her brother!

Gone.

The hall was silent as everyone stared at the two of them. She stood in front of Darrien, her hands clenched into fists and fury in her eyes. So far gone in her anger, she didn't realise that her furious words had attracted the attention of everyone in the hall.

He had spent the last **ten years** living a charmed life with important U.S. Politicians as their adopted son. He had wanted for nothing while she and their mother had struggled to stay aloft. While they grieved and searched and broke inside he was getting everything he ever wanted laid out for him on a silver platter. While she was being torn away from her mother he was eating gourmet foods and sleeping on silk sheets.

Not one attempt to let them know he was alright, to ease their pain. Never even a freaking phone call!

Whipping around before she lost control of herself and punched him, she stormed from the hall. It was storming outside, and by the time she made it to the Argo II she was soaked.

Gone.

Her fist slammed into the wall as tears leaked from her eyes. She was in the cargo hold of the Argo, where helpfully no one would hear her. Still dripping wet from her run here from the hall, she took her anger out on the wall. Sobs ripped from her chest as her heart clenched in pain and betrayal. How could he do that to them? How could he!?

Turning around as her sobs died down, she leaned against the wall and slid down until she was sitting on the floor. She cradled her now bloody hand, her shoulders shaking with her weak sobs. To her surprise gentle hands took her, and she realised that Kori had followed her. The younger girl wrapped her arms around her, holding her. She hugged back, crying into Kori's shoulder.

Gone.

She stood on top the stone wall, looking over the edge of their fortress at the attacking Romans. This War Game would decide whether the Greeks were "worthy" of the Romans' trust or not, so they had to do well. **She** had to do well. This wasn't just a tournament or a simple Capture The Flag game anymore. This would contribute to one of the most important decisions of the century. They could not afford to screw up.

Placing her helmet over her head, she turned to her small attack force. She and Alex would lead them down and ambush the attacking Romans. Falling into formation, she and Alex left the room at a brisk jog, their troops trailing behind them. The Great Greco-Roman War Games had begun.

Gone.

_Wake up, it's time little girl, _

_Wake up_

The ground shook as cracks appeared, starting at the place her swords entered the earth. Training dummies fell into the chasms, leaving her bewildered. Since when could she do that? Well, her father was the "Earthshaker" so…

Clapping drew her attention behind her. There was a blond haired boy in the purple shirt of the Romans behind her. He must have had the same idea as her, head out and trained in private. Stepping forward, the boy introduced himself as Jack Copperfield, Son of Jupiter.

Gone.

Her forehead tingled as Dutch - No, Jacob. His name was Jacob and that was what he wanted to be called. - pressed a kiss against it. Their eyes met as he pulled back and she new she had to be beat red and staring at him like an idiot. Her heart flopped around in her chest as she stared into his gorgeous blue eyes - what was it about his eyes that turned her to mush? - unable to quite read the look in them. His words hit her like a blow to the gut, filling her with irrational fear. "Stay strong, Erin. I fear this may be the last time I see you without guilt."

As he moved to leave she spoke, calling after him "Whatever you do, be careful Jacob. No one wants you to get hurt." Silently, she said that **she** didn't want him to get hurt. She kept the thought to herself though as he left, telling herself that there would be time to tell him later.

As she looked out at the river they had been sitting beside she ignored the nagging feeling that there **wouldn't** be time to tell him later. That she would never see him again.

Gone.

She lunged across the table, reaching for Nico even as he faded away. His dream self had only been with them for a little while, and now he was being torn away again. Her hand closed on thing air and he was gone. Tears welled up in her eyes and slipped down her cheeks. It hurt so much to loose him again.

Kori and Hazel both reached out, grasping her hands. She could see that the two girls were also in tears and also holding hands. Together the three girls cried, allowing their shared grief to comfort each other. They would survive this together, and they **would **save Nico.

Gone.

Her hands shook as she held the note tightly. Tears pooled in her eyes slightly as her breathe caught in her throat. She had woken that morning to find it in her pocket. Through the mist in her eyes she reread the note for the third time.

Jacob was gone. He had left Camp Jupiter. Whatever he was on the trail of had to do with the murder of Martin del Sol, a murder that Lucius had been arrested for. He wanted her to tell Lucius if he did not come back in the next couple of weeks.

She put her head in her hands and cried.

Cried for Jacob, who was forced to run yet again, this time to help his best friend and protect his people. Cried for Lucius, who was being charged fro a murder she was certain he didn't commit. Cried for her people, who where caught in a war that seemed so hopeless. Cried for herself and all the things she may never get to say to Jacob, the feelings she was having trouble denying and may never get to express.

Morosely, she noted that she had been doing a lot of crying lately.

When her tears had ceased she dried her eyes and climbed from her tent to lead her people, just as Jacob had requested that day at the river.

Gone.

All around her the battle raged, and she flowed along with it. Her swords glinted, stained with the blood of the invading monsters. The army was vast, and things looked bleak, but the Greeks and Romans were working together this time. They would survive this, she knew it.

Her eyes were drawn from her own surroundings by a cry. She locked her eyes on the sight of Darrien throwing himself between an enemy blade and another camper. AS the sword hit it's mark she cried out, watching her brother stumble. She couldn't loose him again!

The momentary distraction was all it took for a monster to break through her defences. It's sword pierced her stomach and she cried out, pain blurring her vision and clouding her thoughts. She fell to her knees as the world spun around her, vaguely noticing that someone had killed the monster and was pulling the sword free of her gut. Hazel's voice rang out quietly in her ears, and she belatedly realised that it had to have been her. The last thing she saw before the world went black was Darrien's horrified face.

Gone.

She was walking through blackness, staring at images of her life. It reminded her of the old saying about a person's life flashing before their eyes when they died. As she walked she could feel something in the back of her head, pulling her back towards consciousness. There was a voice… Was that Lucius, yelling at her? Didn't he realise she wanted to come back? It wasn't like she had a lot of control over this!

Unless… Maybe she did.

Closing her eyes, she concentrated on getting back, on going back to the people she loved. When she forced her eyes open she saw Gary, Kori, Hazel, Darrien and Chris all looking down at her worriedly. In the corner of her vision she saw what she thought was Lucius, being dragged from the medical tent.

Gone.

_All the best of what we've done is yet to come,_

_Wake up, it's time, little girl_

Her friends were all sobbing. Kori was cradling her head while Hazel stroked her cheek. Gary stood quietly to the side working to make her as comfortable as possible, looking like he blamed himself for what was happening.

She wished he wouldn't do that. This wasn't his fault. No one could save her if it was her time.

Darrien and Chris were holding her hands, both looking devastated. Chris was asking for water, and she smiled sadly at him. That was so sweet, but there was no way to save her. No amount of water would heal her now. She cupped his face, telling him so and asking him to be brave for her, even when she was gone, telling him she loved him.

Gone.

Darrien was crying, begging her not to go and she was struck by the irony. First he had left, and for so long she had wanted to do just what he was doing. And now, now that they had finally found each other again, she was the one leaving. Oh, life was cruel. So very, very cruel.

Shushing him gently, she told him how much she loved him, begging him to go see their mother when he got the chance. At first he denied, said that they would go together, but in the end he relented. Satisfied with his promise, she ordered him to get injuries

healed. She would be damned if he joined her in the Underworld!

Gathering what was left of her strength, she turned to Hazel telling her that they would have to save Nico without her and asking that she give him a hug and a smack for getting in trouble from her. It was a weak attempt at a joke to ease her friend's pain and she knew it fell short.

Her next words were to Kori as the young girl sobbed. "Kori, honey, I'm s-so sorry I'm leaving you. You are my best friend. Pr-promise…promise me…you'll keep going. Don't…give up…ever. Please."

Her vision was getting dimmer, her head foggier. Maybe it was the blood loss, but she was sure she could see someone standing over her. Yes, yes he was definitely there, becoming clearer as she drifted away. It was a boy, younger than her but not terribly so, with dark hair and pale skin. He was yelling at her, screaming that he forbade her to die.

She would know that boy anywhere. It was Nico.

She tried to speak, to call out to him, or to reach out to him, but her lips wouldn't move. Her voice wouldn't work, her arms felt to heavy to lift. Only vaguely could she hear her friends and brothers calling out to her.

Beside Nico another figure formed. It was a dark skinned man with black angel wings. He was, well, gorgeous. It took her a moment to realise just who he was.

Thanatos, God of Death. He was here for her.

He reached out towards her, and she found herself thinking of Jacobs, and the fact that she wouldn't be able to keep her promise to him. She hoped he would forgive her.

Cool finger tips touched her forehead and the world went black as her eyes close.

Gone.

_Wake up,_

_Just remember who I am in the morning_

They were trapped in Jacob's nightmare, where her spirit had entered to help save him. She was frozen, unable to move as Jacob sluggishly advanced on her, the yellow eyed phantom of Kronos possessing Luke Castellan urging him to kill her. His sword held in his hand, he raised his arm to strike. She stared into his eyes, determined they would be the last thing she saw. The, the blade's course changed, plunging into his own flesh instead.

Gone.

She screamed, the mysterious hold on her breaking, and ran to him. Holding on to him desperately, she sobbed out the three words she had never had the guts to say to him. Had never had the guts to admit to herself.

**I love you!**

Kronos advanced on her, striking her down in rage. The last things he saw before she was returned to the Underworld for judgement was the face of Jacob Epperson.

Gone.

The images were gone, leaving her empty and alone. She shivered, feeling cold and broken. Then, before her red rimmed eyes formed more images. This time it was one of each of the people she cared about.

_You're losing your memory now_

_You're losing your memory now_

Fearful of what horror was next, she stared with anxious but ravenous eyes. It was like she was trying to drink in the sight of her loved ones. She wanted to hold onto them for as long as she could. They were all she had, and so she clung desperately. Her fear was justified though, for they began to shrink backwards, moving away from her.

_You're losing your memory now_

_You're losing your memory!_

She lunged forward, chasing after them. No matter how hard she pushed herself she could not catch up, and in the end she fell to her knees, shoulders shaking in tearless sobs.

Jason.

Gone.

Piper.

Gone.

Annabeth.

Gone.

Leia.

Gone.

Lucius.

Gone.

Gary.

Gone.

Hazel.

Gone.

Nico.

Gone.

"No!" she screamed, reaching out desperately. Broken and terrified, she reached out to someone she ever had before. For the first time in her life, and now death, she prayed to her father.

"Please, Father! Please help me! I'll never ask for anything, I'll do whatever you want, just please help me! Please!"

Alex.

Gone.

Chris.

Gone.

"Please, I'm begging you! Don't let them take my memories!"

Darrien.

Gone.

_You're losing your memory now_

_You're losing your memory now_

"Please don't take them away!" She wasn't sure who she was begging now, her father or the Gods in general.

Jacob.

Gone.

"Don't go! Don't leave me! Please! Help!"

Kori.

Gone.

"No!"

_You're losing your memory now_

Her mother.

Gone.

The scream of anguish was torn from her throat as her mother disappeared. Just as her very first memory had been of her mother face, it was now the last she would ever have.

The darkness faded and she was left on her knees in a field of wheat, consumed by the undeniable feeling that she had just lost something important, something precious, but no idea what.

_You're losing your memory…_


End file.
